2012 didn't turn out to be anything close to the year I wanted it to be. Mainly because t was the second consecutive year that I got laid off from a job. At this point, I've resigned myself to accept that the next job I get won't be my life's passion, it will be (at best) my rebound job. With this mindset, I think I can keep myself from being disappointed about it, but still open to keep looking for what my next career step will be.
But I'm getting a little ahead of myself. Let me get back to *why* I'm making them this time around... it really comes down to the reason that people have arbitrarily picked the first day of the year to make these kind of self-promises in general. The changes we want to make in ourselves are all ones of attitude, and even those especially ambitious resolutions, the ones that require major shifts in the world around us, require an attitude change as that crucial first step. This internal change isn't one that you can prepare for and work yourself up for, it's one you just have to *do*. It's why they're called "resolutions". Resolving to do them is the main thing. In this light, no day is better than any other to start. So the only thing better than digging in your heels and making the change on January first would be to do it on December 31st.
And maybe there's some power in knowing that there are other people out there trying to make the same changes, ignoring for a moment the ones who don't really mean it. It means that, even if it's just in a small way, the world that we're collectively stepping out into on the first day of the first month isn't quite the same as the one we left on the last day of the last month. Maybe our new ways will be eased by our mutual attempts to make steps in a positive direction. And even if they don't, there's some sort of value in thinking that they might, isn't there?
So here are my resolutions for 2013, starting with the obvious:
1.) Get a Job. I don't really have the option of not following through on this one. The jokers in Washington have left a lot of things in limbo as of 1/1/13, not the least of which is the question of whether federal unemployment insurance will be extended. If not, I have until the end of March until the state program runs out. After that, my family and I are on our own. Of course, it's very possible (even likely) that Congress will enact the extension (and pay out a lump sum for the poor folks who got cut off, I assume?) by the end of February, but I just can't wait around for that. So I'm going to have to cast my net wider, look at jobs that I could conceivably do, rather than ones that continue the track I've been on so far. I'm sure you'll be hearing more about this adventure as time goes on.
2.) Weight. It's a classic resolution, I know. But the other day I weighed myself (which I do only about once a month) and realized that I'm a good 7-8 pounds above and beyond what I'm comfortable being. I usually don't think much about my weight, other than to thank good fortune that, despite my utter lack of exercise and discipline about my caloric intake, I manage to stay at a decent, stable level. I think a little effort on my part should be enough to make the difference, so this one should be a slow but steadily attainable goal.
3.) Read more Classics. Last year my wife and I both had record-breaking years as far as reading goes, me with over 13,000 pages, and her with a staggering 23,000. I managed to polish off two of the longest books written in English (the New King James translation of the Old and New Testaments of the Bible, and David Foster Wallace's "Infinite Jest"), and I feel like I'm on a roll. So this year I'm looking to close some gaps in my literary bulkheads. I don't mean things like Bronte and Dickens (although I mean to get around to them eventually), but what is deemed to be the classics of the genres that I typically read now, the authors that paved the way, and which I'm somewhat embarrassed to admit I've never read -- Heinlein and Matheson and Bloch and Ellison and Campbell and so on. I've already started my first Philip K. Dick, so I think I'm off to a good start.
4.) Stop Reading Comments. This is my one Internet-based resolution... I've decided not to scroll beyond the bottom of any article or piece of interest and actually read the comments. I've found that when I do, the feeling I consistently come away with is one of loss of faith in humanity. In my experience, there has never been a well-intentioned Internet item followed by comments that weren't mostly populated by a) boneheads who have nothing better to do than make snarky, cynical judgments about what they just read, b) people who call out the snarky, cynical judgment-makers, and c) people who criticize the spelling/grammar of types a) and b). No more, I say!
5.) Keep Writing, Dammit. November and December were banner writing months for me, and it all came down to the discipline that 750words.com has provided me. I'm writing in it right now, and will copy/paste my 1000-plus words for today into my master blog document when I'm done. I can't adequately say how gratifying it's been to find something like this deceptively simple tool. In these last two months, I've written more than probably the last two years combined. It's really told me something about myself, that all it took was a simple structure (and the awarding of points doesn't hurt either) to get me doing the thing that, above and beyond any other work I could be doing, I feel that I *should* be doing most.
6.) Enjoying Now. I've said it before, in various ways, and I'm about to say it again. When this bout of unemployment is over, when I'm back to full-time and doing whatever it is I have to do to get the mortgage paid, food on the table and maybe have a little left in the bank, I'm going to look back at this time and marvel at how great it was to spend time with my wife and daughter. Lily's at an important age right now... she's going to start kindergarten in the fall, and like it or not, school it going to become the bulk of her daily experience, instead of the time she spends at home with Amy and me. I think the fact that I was a nearly constant presence in her life from the age of before three-and-a-half to after four-and-a-half has got to be meaningful for our relationship later on. And I'm also so glad I get to spend more time with Amy, even though we can't always get enough time for ourselves. This time has reminded me that we're a team, and work well together on more levels than we realize. Having a child Lily's age (and, I'm starting to suspect, at any age) is an adventure in which you need a strong partner, and I hope that she's as satisfied with rediscovering the one she's got as I am. Once it's not tempered by the anxiety of an unknown future, we're going to reflect on this time and be grateful we had it, over a year when our young family was in some ways just starting out, and in some ways finding its next course.
There they are. Nothing earth-shaking, I think, or totally out of left field. I just want to do a little better than I did last year. Isn’t that what we all should be striving for?
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