Evil Exists, and Its Name Is…

I’m going to go ahead and publicly state something that I’ve been thinking about for a while now. This is the realization that America’s current Republican Party is, for lack of a better word, evil. I’m not even sure if I’m right in saying that *some* of the party is evil. It really seems that the whole thing, part and parcel, deep down, is truly evil. They’ve made a mockery of the American political process by turning it into a business, and in the process have made themselves beholden to those who hold the purse strings.

I’ve suspected this for a while, but the current spate of federal Republican House voting against hurricane Sandy relief was the straw that broke my particular camel’s back. It began with the lame duck sessions in the Michigan House that in part directly overruled the November vote of the citizenry, rolling back women’s rights, loosening gun laws, and making it super-easy for doctors to refuse treatment to any patient at any time. Then came the blocking of hurricane relief, and since then it’s even continued in their stonewalling of the UN Disabilities treaty. The weight of all this has finally ignited my understanding that this is not just a matter of ideological differences. This is full-on perversion of the American way of doing things. In their apparent belief that they can do this and face no consequences, I sincerely hope that they are wrong.

But let me also say this... up until now, I thought that these people -- the right-wing, rich/elitist, racist/paranoids that have all banded together in the GOP -- were a small minority. I thought they were just the loudest voices, shouting into television cameras, and getting most of the attention because of it. But this news I'm seeing now is bringing up another question in my mind... where is the Republican opposition to this minority, if it is one? Where are the many sensible conservatives standing up and saying, "These people do not represent what being a Republican is all about!" If the people who want to say this actually exist, what are they so afraid of that they won't speak out? I’ve heard a few isolated Republican voices to this effect, but why are the rest of these people standing by, if they don’t actually believe the anti-democratic junk they’re peddling? It must be because they’re afraid to, too afraid to go against the lobbyist and huge corporations who fund them.

The basis for this corruption must have originally come from greed. Greed for money, greed for power, greed for influence, greed for dominance of some corner of the world. This is why we live in a country where we're even *debating* whether corporations should have more rights than individuals. This is why we live in a country where a 24-hour “news” channel is consciously allowed to run as an entertainment business, telling a certain segment of the population exactly what they want to hear. Over time, greed has begotten greed… the further the upper echelons of society retreat, dragging their wealth and power behind them, the more people have no choice but to ask themselves, “Never mind about everyone else, how can I look out for me and mine?” You end up with two people who support the Republicans… both the rich and poor desperately trying to protect what they have, and to not fall into the growing gap in between.

This goes beyond just greed, I'm afraid. Because greed, taken in large enough doses for long enough, turns into actual fear and contempt. Take Papa John's, for example. Their CEO publicly announced that he supports a business model that makes it harder for people to earn a living, so that the company can make bigger profits. On paper, that makes sense. Big company, gotta make big profits. Not only that, but they have to be bigger than last year, every year, ad infinitum (which is mathematically impossible to do, but let's save that for another time). He said that he was going to have to start charging customers higher prices in order to pay for their employees' healthcare. Now, for the moment, let's also ignore the fact that the current President's re-election changed absolutely nothing in the way the country's healthcare system is run. Let's just ask ourselves... would customers be willing to pay a little more, if it meant that the chain's employees could keep working full shifts and actually have healthcare? I have to believe that yes, it would.

How do I know this? Because it's a vicious circle. People will pay a little bit more for things if they actually *have* a little bit more money and don’t have to watch what they spend so closely. And how will they get a little more money? If they have stable jobs that pay a little better, pay them for a full day's work, and give them the peace of mind that only health care can provide. Our economy has been caught up in this sort of anti-bubble where the mandate of keeping costs down (for fear of losing sales) has led to companies cutting every corner, until there's nothing left to cut but wages and hours. We can break that cycle if we want to, but the highest-paid members of these organizations are going to have to realize that their golden parachutes, yearly bonuses and tax shelters are going to have to take a hit, just like the rest of us have taken a hit and appropriately downsized our lives in the last five years. No one should be exempted from this.

Above and beyond this, the thing that pisses me off even more is that this makes me sound just like all the conspiracy-theorist lunkheads that I've been so quick to laugh off in the past. Do I now think all those people were right? No, of course not. Because they were misled, strung along down some kind of path where what they wanted to be true became what they actually believed. But even as I state this, I'm keenly aware that THIS IS EXACTLY SOMEONE WHO IS AS CRAZY AS THEY ARE WOULD SAY. That's the only reason I've been afraid to say it out loud.

And that leads me back to the Republicans, which I can now see are a bastion for people who want to Keep Things The Way They Were, which obviously is impossible, and was a skewed view of the world in the first place. The world never was they way they thought it was, full of picket fences, safe neighborhoods and good-ol’ American values. It was a time of unrepeatable post-war boom, full of injustice and segregation of minorities of all kinds. But the illusion had been built up so strongly to the aging benefactors of that era (read: rich white men) that it seemed like it was real. These are the men that have now effectively bought the Republican soul.

I have a world of nostalgia, too. And I realize its shortcomings. I went to an elementary school that was desegregated, but didn’t admit its first black student until I was attending there in the late 70s. I heard gay people and “retards” being openly made the butt of jokes in my high school. Looking back at it now, it feels like the Dark Ages. Not for one second would I trade it for the world I live in today. Wouldn’t life be sad if we only maintained the status quo, remained frozen in place? Would you ever want to look back over the past ten or twenty years and *not* marvel at how far we’ve come? Well, the time to wake up has come, Republicans. Come and live in the world that the rest of us have been building and trying to maintain while you holed up in your mansions watching Fox News. There’s room for us all, but we’ve got to learn to share.

The Rapture of PM Dawn

I've never been one to look deeply into the subtext of pop songs. I'm more of a melody/orchestration type of person. I suppose I'm not really to blame... I did come of (musical) age in the 80s, when casual surrealism was the norm for pop lyrics. Really, listen to "Shock the Monkey" or just about anything by Duran Duran and you'll see what I mean. A song wasn't nearly as much about what it said as the atmosphere evoked. Out of this era – a time when Eddy Grant's "Electric Avenue" was near the pinnacle of politically-minded pop -- the hyper-literate lyricists of the 90s hit like a freight train. You suddenly had the pointed, unmistakable points of view of both grunge and gangsta rap dominating the airwaves, making us all aware of our neighbor's anger and angst in equal, ferocious measure.

Into the midst of this maelstrom floated PM Dawn and their ubiquitous hit "Set Adrift on Memory Bliss". Not only did it distinguish itself by basing its chorus on a sample from the lite-AM crossover hit "True" by Spandau Ballet (and layering a wash of harmonies over the already-ethereal hook of that song), but its rapped lyrics were hushed and introspective, a meditative reminiscence of a love lost. It was the last thing that should have been a big hit, but it was, making us all aware of this new facet of hip-hop. Even the band's name invoked thoughts of paradox and wonder.

If you believe that a band's first single should establish its entire mindset for listeners, then PM Dawn (comprised of Prince Be and his brother, DJ Minute Mix -- nee Attrell and Jarrett Cordes) aced their first test. You knew exactly what you were going to get from them -- New Age spiritualism, hippie-like navel gazing, and smooth listening. Most people dismissed them as such. But as time passed and PM Dawn put more singles and albums under their belt, they started moving toward something else, and this is where their story gets really interesting.

They chose to name their third album "Jesus Wept", and took a decidedly Christian bent to their musical approach. They even went as far as to use one song's subtitle to dedicate it "to the Christ Consciousness". With this collection of songs, which opens with a sound collage that includes a sample of Linus van Pelt writing a letter to the Great Pumpkin, we were introduced to a masterful exploration of two brothers grappling directly with what it means to be Christian, and even further, what it means to be human in the face of the eternal.

As if begins, Jesus Wept is something that even a non-Christian as myself can identify with. It’s no faith-affirming tribute from a reborn child of God. In fact, it turns out to be a soul-searching, humble offering from an imperfect, broken human being to a divinity that he seems to fear might reject him. In fact, the table set by "Set Adrift on Memory Bliss" wasn't that far off the mark... nearly all of PM Dawn's songs can almost be read as lost-love songs. Lines such as "Sometimes I miss you so much" and "Without you in my life, I always find my mind miles from anything" could be lifted directly from other girl-please-come-back songs, but as time goes on also work as Christian allegory. PM Dawn is strongest when they play off this dichotomy; their follow-up album, called "Dearest Christian, I'm So Very Sorry For Bringing You Here. Love, Dad" works equally well whether the father speaking is Prince Be, or God himself.

The most important track from Jesus Wept, in my mind, is the final medley, for some reason called "Fantasia's Confidential Ghetto". I think by dissecting it a little bit, you will get a pretty comprehensive idea of PM Dawn's point of view. First is a slow, acoustic guitar and piano version of Prince's "1999", a song that does deal with Judgment Day, albeit in its own funky way. In this version, Prince Be sings the melody andorned, changing the word "party" in the last line so that it reads: "So tonight I'm gonna cry like it's 1999."

Immediately following this, the beat picks up with a reworking of Talking Heads' "Once in a Lifetime", for which PM Dawn swipes the piano loop from Schoolhouse Rock's "Rufus Xavier Sasparilla" to drive it along. The lyrics of that song remain unchanged, but David Byrne's Revival-sermon-style ramblings about suddenly finding yourself as a strange in your own life and howling "My God, what have I done?" fits right in with the message we've been working with for the whole album.

The third and final part is an almost word-for-word rendition of Harry Nilsson’s goofy “Coconut”, with a notable exception that flips the original in a completely different direction. First of all, Nilsson’s simple guitar part is augmented with the organ part of Three Dog Night’s “Mama Told Me Not To Come”, which is an almost blindingly astute melodic match. The original lyrics deal with a man calling a doctor to prescribe something to help his indigestion after imbibing some lime-and-coconut-based drink. However, by changing the line “called the doctor, woke him up” to “pray to God as to wake him up”, the song becomes the story of mankind doing things they shouldn’t, and then turning to God to help them fix the problems they’ve caused. Here, God has the answer, and it’s the same as what the doctor recommended in the original: “If you call me in the morning, I’ll tell you what to do.” Certainly a persuasive argument to head to church.

The progression in this three-song medley – grief to realization to salvation -- is the path PM Dawn has been trying to lead us down all along. The clues were there, even in the title of the album itself; “Jesus wept” is well-known to trivia buffs as the shortest verse in the Bible, but it comes from the Gospel of John. It tells of Jesus’ reaction to seeing the mourning going on around the tomb of Lazarus. In those two words, the Gospel establishes the duality of Christ… He is beyond us, but at the same time of us, feeling our pain and grief. In the story, Jesus resurrects Lazarus, and I think therein lies the ultimate message of PM Dawn… No matter how vain, selfish, or damaged a person may be, God loves them and can be turned to for salvation. As deep as the self-doubt on the album can sometimes be, there is also transcendence, and it’s a more effective message than any of the praise-His-glory Christian rock or rap you could ever listen to.

Only Resolutions

At this point in life, most people have figured out that New Year's resolutions never stick. The first of January is just another day in an unending waterfall of days, coming at the tail end of a cluster of "special days" near the end of the year, and as such there's really nothing inherently special about it. But I think this year I'm going to give it a try. There are a few things that I really want to take a serious stab at improving about myself.

2012 didn't turn out to be anything close to the year I wanted it to be. Mainly because t was the second consecutive year that I got laid off from a job. At this point, I've resigned myself to accept that the next job I get won't be my life's passion, it will be (at best) my rebound job. With this mindset, I think I can keep myself from being disappointed about it, but still open to keep looking for what my next career step will be.

But I'm getting a little ahead of myself. Let me get back to *why* I'm making them this time around... it really comes down to the reason that people have arbitrarily picked the first day of the year to make these kind of self-promises in general. The changes we want to make in ourselves are all ones of attitude, and even those especially ambitious resolutions, the ones that require major shifts in the world around us, require an attitude change as that crucial first step. This internal change isn't one that you can prepare for and work yourself up for, it's one you just have to *do*. It's why they're called "resolutions". Resolving to do them is the main thing. In this light, no day is better than any other to start. So the only thing better than digging in your heels and making the change on January first would be to do it on December 31st.

And maybe there's some power in knowing that there are other people out there trying to make the same changes, ignoring for a moment the ones who don't really mean it. It means that, even if it's just in a small way, the world that we're collectively stepping out into on the first day of the first month isn't quite the same as the one we left on the last day of the last month. Maybe our new ways will be eased by our mutual attempts to make steps in a positive direction. And even if they don't, there's some sort of value in thinking that they might, isn't there?

So here are my resolutions for 2013, starting with the obvious:

1.) Get a Job. I don't really have the option of not following through on this one. The jokers in Washington have left a lot of things in limbo as of 1/1/13, not the least of which is the question of whether federal unemployment insurance will be extended. If not, I have until the end of March until the state program runs out. After that, my family and I are on our own. Of course, it's very possible (even likely) that Congress will enact the extension (and pay out a lump sum for the poor folks who got cut off, I assume?) by the end of February, but I just can't wait around for that. So I'm going to have to cast my net wider, look at jobs that I could conceivably do, rather than ones that continue the track I've been on so far. I'm sure you'll be hearing more about this adventure as time goes on.

2.) Weight. It's a classic resolution, I know. But the other day I weighed myself (which I do only about once a month) and realized that I'm a good 7-8 pounds above and beyond what I'm comfortable being. I usually don't think much about my weight, other than to thank good fortune that, despite my utter lack of exercise and discipline about my caloric intake, I manage to stay at a decent, stable level. I think a little effort on my part should be enough to make the difference, so this one should be a slow but steadily attainable goal.

3.) Read more Classics. Last year my wife and I both had record-breaking years as far as reading goes, me with over 13,000 pages, and her with a staggering 23,000. I managed to polish off two of the longest books written in English (the New King James translation of the Old and New Testaments of the Bible, and David Foster Wallace's "Infinite Jest"), and I feel like I'm on a roll. So this year I'm looking to close some gaps in my literary bulkheads. I don't mean things like Bronte and Dickens (although I mean to get around to them eventually), but what is deemed to be the classics of the genres that I typically read now, the authors that paved the way, and which I'm somewhat embarrassed to admit I've never read -- Heinlein and Matheson and Bloch and Ellison and Campbell and so on. I've already started my first Philip K. Dick, so I think I'm off to a good start.

4.) Stop Reading Comments. This is my one Internet-based resolution... I've decided not to scroll beyond the bottom of any article or piece of interest and actually read the comments. I've found that when I do, the feeling I consistently come away with is one of loss of faith in humanity. In my experience, there has never been a well-intentioned Internet item followed by comments that weren't mostly populated by a) boneheads who have nothing better to do than make snarky, cynical judgments about what they just read, b) people who call out the snarky, cynical judgment-makers, and c) people who criticize the spelling/grammar of types a) and b). No more, I say!

5.) Keep Writing, Dammit. November and December were banner writing months for me, and it all came down to the discipline that 750words.com has provided me. I'm writing in it right now, and will copy/paste my 1000-plus words for today into my master blog document when I'm done. I can't adequately say how gratifying it's been to find something like this deceptively simple tool. In these last two months, I've written more than probably the last two years combined. It's really told me something about myself, that all it took was a simple structure (and the awarding of points doesn't hurt either) to get me doing the thing that, above and beyond any other work I could be doing, I feel that I *should* be doing most.

6.) Enjoying Now. I've said it before, in various ways, and I'm about to say it again. When this bout of unemployment is over, when I'm back to full-time and doing whatever it is I have to do to get the mortgage paid, food on the table and maybe have a little left in the bank, I'm going to look back at this time and marvel at how great it was to spend time with my wife and daughter. Lily's at an important age right now... she's going to start kindergarten in the fall, and like it or not, school it going to become the bulk of her daily experience, instead of the time she spends at home with Amy and me. I think the fact that I was a nearly constant presence in her life from the age of before three-and-a-half to after four-and-a-half has got to be meaningful for our relationship later on. And I'm also so glad I get to spend more time with Amy, even though we can't always get enough time for ourselves. This time has reminded me that we're a team, and work well together on more levels than we realize. Having a child Lily's age (and, I'm starting to suspect, at any age) is an adventure in which you need a strong partner, and I hope that she's as satisfied with rediscovering the one she's got as I am. Once it's not tempered by the anxiety of an unknown future, we're going to reflect on this time and be grateful we had it, over a year when our young family was in some ways just starting out, and in some ways finding its next course.

There they are. Nothing earth-shaking, I think, or totally out of left field. I just want to do a little better than I did last year. Isn’t that what we all should be striving for?