Tuesday, June 29, 2010

My Top Ten Movies - Drama

Drama is the stuff of life, whether we like it or not. And that’s why we connect with dramatic films the way we do. When it comes right down to it, excellent drama is what happens when a character (in whom we see a reflection of ourselves) comes up against something they’ve never encountered before, and they are tested to see if and how they deal with it. In some instances, they emerge triumphant, to bask on a beach in Mexico, and in others they end up shot in one of Manhattan’s back alleys. But in each of these ten films, I’ve seen something deeply resonant, something that shows me how I should strive to be, how to deal with things I don’t, or can’t, understand. And that’s what the best movies really are about. They’re training for our emotions and our resolve. They show us how to triumph over the unknown.


1. The Silence of the Lambs (1991)

This is arguably the most critically celebrated film of the 1990s, and rightly so. The plot is so deceptively simple, the characters so rich and complex, that Anthony Hopkins won the Best Actor award even though he’s only on screen for slightly over fifteen minutes. Thomas Harris, through his novel, and Jonathan Demme, through his direction, work together to bring such a sense of dread to this picture… everything feels dark and claustrophobic, even when the characters are outside.

Like I said, the plot is so simple I’m stunned that no one used it to such awesome effect before: A serial killer is murdering women, and rookie FBI agent Clarice Starling (Jodie Foster, perfect as always), is sent to interview the most deranged killer in captivity, Hannibal Lecter (Anthony Hopkins), to see if he can offer any insight, any method to the new killer’s madness. What follows is a constant back-and-forth relationship between prisoner and guard, as Clarice and Hannibal verbally spar with the grace of a fencing match, as he teases her with clues and coaxes out her innermost secrets, delighting in her emotional pain like fine wine. All the while, the clock counts down as the daughter of a prominent Congresswoman is held by the serial killer at large, surely to be the next victim.

I don’t know of any other villain since Darth Vader that has so quickly ingrained itself in the national consciousness as Lecter (and that was even without having his face on bed sheets or Big Gulp mugs). It’s easy to see why: he’s elegant, cultured, and will eat your tongue if given half the chance. He is the antithesis of everything we think we are able to control in the modern world, a seamless veneer of civility hiding a snarling wolf underneath. Just as the end of the 20th century made us question our own basic humanity, Lecter embraced the dichotomy, made his own raging madness as much a part of himself as the classical music and Renaissance architecture that he admires.

What impresses me most about the film is how tawdry the whole thing could have been. Serial killers on both sides, women being killed, skinned, and having moth cocoons stuffed down their throats… it could have been very exploitive and gross. But what raises it above pure Grand Guignol is the recurring theme of the promise of transformation. Even though his methods are animalistic and grotesque, new-killer-on-the-block Buffalo Bill is striving to become more (in his eyes, a woman is the pinnacle of humanity), and even has a love for his moths, caring for them and guiding them on their own paths of change. He sees what he does as inevitable, powerful. Clarice mentally goes from troubled child to strong, confident FBI agent, being challenged at every turn by emotional, mental, and physical puzzles and finding in herself the strength to meet them.

And who, then, is the truly frightening one in this movie? Hannibal, the one who doesn’t change, the one who knows who he is and sticks with it, no matter how elegantly horrible it may be. There are some films that build up their villains so effectively you feel that, if such a thing were ever to get out into the rational, sane world, that would be it. There would be no place to hide, and no mercy to be found (the Alien films come to mind as another example). The fact that Hannibal does get out in the end makes the ending credits some of the most disturbing I’ve ever seen.



2. Saving Private Ryan (1998)

I’ve never been to war. I was lucky enough to be born at a time when it was never necessary for me to consider having to hold a rifle and take someone else’s life. For me, and any other child in the 70’s and 80’s, war was always something that someone else threatened to do to us… we knew the fear of someone pushing a button somewhere and turning the entire world into dust. But at least it would be neat, clean. A flash of light, and that would be the end. Survival would be the horror, not death itself.

With that background, you can imagine how jarring the first half-hour of Saving Private Ryan is for me. With its flawless, almost stream-of-consciousness depiction of the horrors of Omaha Beach, it proves (as if there were still any doubt) that Steven Spielberg is the premiere filmmaker of the twentieth, and quite possibly twenty-first, century.

Once the initial shock is over, and the stakes of war have been established, we are thrust into a situation as bizarre as the premise of war itself. Tom Hanks, the man through whose eyes we experienced the opening carnage, is the leader of a band of troops driving deep behind enemy lines for a single purpose: to retrieve the titular soldier and send him home. The reason for this sudden reprieve is that all four of his brothers have died in the war, and the US government has determined that there is a limit to the sacrifice that one family can make.

The beauty of this story, cruel and unfair as it is, is that it’s a microcosm of war itself: on a personal level, every action in war seems brutal and pointless, even counter-intuitive, whether it’s jumping off a amphibious troop carrier into a blaze of German machine-gun fire, and attempting to overwhelm a held beach by sheer numbers, or sending a whole squad of men into mortal danger to save the life of one.

But the mastery of the film is in the characters of the men themselves. There are no John Waynes here, no hell-bent patriotism. These are all everyday men who have heard the call of duty and answered it, despite their misgivings. It’s said that courage, by nature, has to work against fear. And I believe this film is the closest we will ever get to seeing into the very heart of courage, and understanding it.



3. The Green Mile (1999)

The oddest part of making this part of my list is not to find that there are two Tom Hanks films here, but that there are two films directed by Frank Darabont, both based on Stephen King stories that take place in mid-twentieth century prisons. I hope it drives the point home that I didn’t reconsider and take one of them off. In all honesty, I just couldn’t. They’re too different. One is based firmly in reality, the other more supernatural, and one is seen through the eyes of the prisoners, while the other is told from the guard’s perspective.

This one is the more supernatural of the two, an adaptation of King’s attempt at a Dickensian “serial novel”. Knowing that, and that even the author didn’t know how it was all going to turn out, the work itself is even more stunning. Tom Hanks plays the lead guard of a death row cell block, and comes to know its inhabitants: the proudly defiant killer, the gentle soul who keeps a surprisingly intelligent mouse for a pet, and the quiet giant who seems to have the ability to heal people through his touch.

This latter inmate is the center of the story, and as he’s played by Michael Clarke Duncan, is one of the most sympathetic characters I’ve ever seen on screen, even though he’s in jail for the murder of two little girls. This man, soft-spoken and immense, embodies the wounded child that the world outside the prison walls has become, unable to understand its own beauty even when faced with certain death. The scene near the end, when he tells what it’s like to feel the world’s pain every second of every day, is one of the most perfect speeches written.

A lot has been made of the Biblical intimations of the plot (the name of Duncan’s character even has the initials J.C.), and to be fair, they’re well founded. But I think this adds to the poignancy of the film, knowing ahead of time that this hulk of a man will eventually end up being the sacrificial lamb, saving the soul of the other characters in the film, even as they try in vain to save him. In salvation, there’s a steep price to be paid, and the film never shies away from that.

I have to say, this is one rare occurrence where the film is better than the book, streamlining and focusing several themes to crystal clarity, even making the ending happier. I assume this is possible because Stephen King wrote the original book pretty much on the fly, but the fact that it all seems so fully formed impresses me to no end.



4. Fight Club (1999)

I’ve had a more problematic relationship with this film than any other. Even in the theater, forty-five minutes in, I remember thinking, “this is the best film I’ve ever seen!” An hour later, I was practically throwing my popcorn at the screen in frustration. It seemed like the seeds of promise that were sown in the first half were purposefully, methodically being plowed under in the second. It took several years, and several more viewings, for me to come to accept it on its own terms. I’ve come to realize that I found the film’s themes so fascinating that when it came time to get the action, the actual plot going, I didn’t want to let go. I wanted to examine the characters more, to understand what they thought and felt, rather then watch them actually accomplish things.

I shouldn’t have worried, I suppose. There’s a lot of thinking to be done after viewing this film. It raises questions about what it means to be male in a world that seems to tame and feminize everything, and what it basically means to be alive, how to separate yourself from the anesthetization that is civilization.

The story centers around Edward Norton, who plays a nameless, bored middle-management insurance adjuster. During one of his business trips (and a particularly bad bout of insomnia), he meets Brad Pitt, a brutish soap salesman who lives a bohemian life that Edward envies. After a long discussion about the problems of the modern world and how it numbs you to life, Brad floats an idea: “I want you to hit me as hard as you can.” From this humble beginning, the two create an underground society of men getting back in touch with their basic humanity by beating each other senseless.

Now, I don’t think that this is a good idea. I’ve never thought that violence was the answer to anyone’s problems… but then again, these guys aren’t purporting to solve any problems. Their sole intent it to cause them, to wake each other up, to tap back into the primordial core of humanity that lives under the smooth veneer of everyday civility. That vitality, they find, is as alive as it’s ever been, and these men become revitalized and more connected to everyone around them by this unsettling method.

That’s the part of the movie that I found fascinating, and maybe you’ll react to the second half of this movie the way I initially did, not wanting to watch the fight clubs evolve into domestic terrorist organizations, attempting to recreate the world the same way the members have recreated themselves. You also might not like the major plot twist, which certainly wasn’t helped by the fact that this movie was released less than two months after The Sixth Sense. But if you give it time and patience, your appreciation of David Fincher’s artistry (accentuated by some incredibly inspired special effects and visual jokes) will increase, and you might seriously wonder what it’s like to be on the receiving end of a friend’s fist.



6. Pulp Fiction (1994)

Now that the top five are out of the way, how about a film that doesn’t probe the darkest recesses of the soul? True, it’s not for kids, but Quentin Tarantino’s (and his co-writer, Roger Avary) second feature film showcases the pure value of storytelling, with a time-bending structure that is as much fun to try to piece together later as it is to watch.

Never being one to tell a single story within a film, this is essentially three tales told at once, overlapping times and characters. One is of John Travolta and Samuel L. Jackson as hitmen on a job that goes mysteriously right and then messily wrong, another has Bruce Willis as a washed-up boxer who double-crosses his crime-boss patron (played by Ving Rhames), and the third has Travolta on a disastrous “date” with Uma Thurman, the all-but-innocent wife of said crime boss.

Pulp Fiction is a master-class exercise in storytelling balance. Even though there are plenty of excruciatingly uncomfortable situations here… near-fatal drug overdoses, accidental decapitations, male rape, etc. … it’s tempered by likable characters, knowing conversations about pop culture, and a general giddiness about never knowing quite what’s going to happen next. I clearly remember the first time I saw Bruce and Ving trussed up in harnesses and ball gags in a redneck’s S&M dungeon, and specifically asking myself, “Exactly what the hell am I watching here?” But I was spellbound to see how it all turned out nonetheless.

The tension is palpable as we watch with sometimes agonizing slowness how things pan out, and the suspense is expertly woven… it’s impossible not to lean forward when Bruce Willis’ character goes back to his apartment for his favorite watch, knowing that there’s someone undoubtedly waiting to ambush him. The only part more impressive is a one-take monologue by Christopher Walken, explaining the origin and importance of that keepsake.

All the while, you feel that there’s a subtext that you’re never quite let in on, and there are several theories out there regarding the glowing contents of a briefcase that many people seem to be chasing after, not to mention the inexplicable Band-Aid at the base of Vhing Rhames’ skull… but I’ve given enough tantalizing bits away. The film’s title is no accident. It’s all about the spinning of the tale.


5. Apocalypse Now (1979)

I first saw this film my senior year of high school in Film class, and have admired it ever since. I know, I’m getting heavily into the war films (and even films that meditate on the absence of war, like Fight Club), but that’s for a reason. Even when war isn’t the central drama of human history, it seems, it still is. But to call Apocalypse Now a film about war is like saying that Heart of Darkness, the Joseph Conrad book on which it’s based, is about ivory trading.

It takes place in the hidden wilderness behind the Vietnam war, yes, but there’s so much insanity going on under the surface that it could be argued that it’s all taking place in the main character’s head. Martin Sheen plays an unstable Marine who’s given a top-secret mission: to follow a particular river to its source in Cambodia, where a former colonel (played by Marlon Brando) has gone crazy and started his own quasi-religious cult. Once there, Martin is to assess the situation and exterminate the renegade colonel.

We follow Martin’s progress along the river, and viscerally experience the episodic adventures he and his boatmates find along the way, each one more bizarre and disturbing at the last. It all culminates in finding the silent, death-filled temple that Brando has commandeered for himself, hiding his hairless bulk in the shadows while the indiscriminate sacrifice of people and animals fills the jungle outside.

It’s the scenes of Brando rambling on in the dark that really fixated me the first time I saw this movie. I remember thinking that I could sit and listen to the master actor improvise about snails crawling along knife blades for hours. What Brando (and Francis Ford Coppolla, through the editing of what must have been tens of hours of footage) has tapped into in these monologues is the basic problem of humanity, and is perfectly summed up by Brando’s final words, “The horror… the horror…” What he means in his ultimate revelation is that we, as humans, are in the unique position of being no more than civilized animals, our baser instincts reigned in by propriety and culture, but at the same time possessing the knowledge that it’s our basic nature to hate, to fight, to kill… in other words, it should come as no surprise that most of the films on this part of the list are about transcending, moving above and beyond that which makes us no better than wolves in suits.

And it’s not just the film itself that makes this bold stride into the darkness of humanity’s inner psyche. From watching the just-as-exciting making-of documentary Hearts of Darkness, you can see how hard confronting these issues makes you question your own intentions, your own sanity. It’s one of the most important companion pieces to any work of art I’ve ever seen. We actually get to watch Coppolla looking into the abyss, and seeing his reaction at what looks back at him.



7. West Side Story (1961)

Musical theater played a huge part in my upbringing, and I’ll get more into that in the Musical Influences part of my list. I’ve already put one musical into my favorite comedies list, so here’s the dramatic flip side. It’s got an astounding pedigree, too… based on Shakespeare, music by Leonard Bernstein, lyrics by Stephen Sondheim, choreographed by Bob Fosse and directed by Robert Wise. How does any other movie musical stand a chance compared to that?

Everyone knows the story (two teenagers fall in love, despite the fact that they’re bound to rival street gangs in the back streets of Manhattan – with tragic results), and everyone makes fun of the idea of thugs and hoods breaking into song and dance at the drop of a hat. But you know what, folks? It works. And the secret is attitude. There’s no pretension here, no camp. Every single person involved plays it absolutely straight and makes it seem natural.

And it flows like a dream. There are certain works of art that feel like they’ve been dropped from the skies already fully formed, so perfect in how the parts interlock and all the gaps are filled, that it almost seems impossible they’re something that someone (much less a large team of people) has worked on for years. West Side Story is one of those. Even the music, full of syncopation and strange time signatures, dissonances and sometimes five parts going simultaneously, seems entirely cut from whole cloth.

I really can’t say anything more positive about it, so instead, here’s another example of how film can streamline the work it’s adapted from, and hopefully you won’t mind if I go on a bit of a nitpicky rant. I still think it makes absolutely no sense to put the “Cool” number before the rumble, as it is in the stage version. No sense at all. When it’s placed after the rumble, when members of both gangs have died, the whole number is different, elevated. Everything is so tightly wound, the stakes so much higher for the Jets to hang onto the last scrap of sanity they have. It sends the story spiraling down toward its inevitable conclusion, and I could never figure out why it could ever occur any other way.


Incidentally, this was one of my mother’s favorite films in her young adulthood, and she has told me since that it was one of her favorite dreams to imagine that she had her own copy of it in her room, ready to project on the wall opposite her bed any time she felt like viewing it. I suppose the lesson there is that if you wait around long enough, sometimes your dreams can come true.



8. Unbreakable (2000)

There are some directors who you have utter faith in. You know, even before knowing anything about their new work, that it’s going to have a certain effect on you, that it’s going to take you to that place where great films take us all. For me, David Lynch is the most reliable director of that sort. But M. Night Shyamalan has been making up a lot of ground in an awfully short amount of time.

The Sixth Sense? Brilliant. Signs? Flawed, but staggeringly suspenseful, at least up until its last act. The Village? Has some moments of pure genius and beauty in it. Lady in the Water? Well, every rule has to have an exception. But my favorite film of his is Unbreakable, the one that always seems to be overlooked. Maybe it’s because you can’t really explain what it’s about. You can give a plot summary, but it makes the whole thing sound incredibly boring (but here goes… a man comes to terms with the fact that he is, in fact, a modern-day superhero, with his super-power being the inability to get hurt. That’s it, really.) But the way in which Shyamalan goes about getting us to that realization is a slow, dreamlike rhapsody on the issues of responsibility (to both family and the world at large), self-discovery, human compassion, and ultimately the fairness/unfairness of life. It’s a comic-book story, told in simple strokes, but the stream of thoughtfulness running underneath feels bottomless.

It’s beautifully directed, too. It’s full of all those visual tricks that you learn about in Film Theory class, but are woven together so seamlessly that they don’t jump out at you as gimmicky. After you watch this film once for the story, I suggest you go back with the knowledge of what’s going to happen and watch it again for the way the visuals augment the storytelling. The symmetries, the reflections, the inversions, the color schemes… all are methods that Shyamalan uses in his other films, but here they’re so plentiful and every one so meaningful, especially in delineating the relationship between Bruce Willis’ and Samuel L. Jackson’s characters, that it amazes me every time I see it.



9. The Shawshank Redemption (1994)

It seems kind of strange, as I mentioned higher up on this list, that I have two Stephen King/Frank Darabont collaborations that take place in prisons in the mid-twentieth century. This one is a horse of an entirely different color, though. While The Green Mile used its supernatural edge to examine the pain of the world, this film uses jail as a prism through which the courage of humanity and the inherent fears of life are split apart.

This is done through the character that Tim Robbins plays, a man who may, or may not, have killed his wife and her lover in a classic case of second-degree murder. Through the brutality, corruption, and desperation of prison, Tim is the one who tries the hardest to hold on to his humanity, and in doing so raises his small group of friends to a higher level as well, becoming the quiet leader the sort of which has been known to change the direction of the world throughout history.

Tim’s character is aided by a wise old inmate, played (of course) by Morgan Freeman, who is the narrator of the story. It’s Morgan’s undying loyalty to the man who made his prison life just a little more bearable that finally results in one of the most satisfying payoffs ever made in film.

Far from being a Christ figure, Tim’s character is the model of patience, a believer in the long view of life. His plot to escape the prison, suddenly and spectacularly, is only part of the decades-long plan he hatches that not only sets him free, but topples those who have wronged him in the past as well. It’s a sweet finish for anyone who has ever felt oppressed by those in authority, and it’s quite evident why this is (according to the almighty IMDB) one of the highest-rated films in American cinema.



10. To Kill a Mockingbird (1962)

The quintessential American novel becomes the quintessential American film. Every bit of decency that this country ever harbored in its heart is present here, and watching it come up against the overwhelming forces of prejudice is both uplifting and truly heartbreaking.

The story takes place in the Depression-era south, where a young tomboy grows up watching her single father take on the toughest legal case of his career: defending a black man accused of the rape of a white woman. You hardly notice that so many American story conventions and taboos are quietly shattered in this story: single fatherhood, the injustice of Jim Crow laws, racism… and somehow all that darkness is balanced by the way the girl gets to know the reclusive young man who lives nearby, and learns that he’s simply a misunderstood, gentle soul.

I first read To Kill a Mockingbird in ninth grade, that wonderful age where one still believes that a book can not only change one’s life, but change the world itself. I should have expected it when, during a read-aloud session in class, my English teacher chose me to read the courtroom testimony of the man who claims his daughter was raped by a black farmhand. I always felt kind of honored that she chose me to read it, since it’s a very emotionally charged scene. Maybe she just thought I would be less likely to snicker at the crude language…

Anyway, the year was winding down, and over the course of the next few days we watched the film, which was just as riveting as the book was. It hooked me right from the start, not least of all because I had become unwittingly familiar with the theme music… The first play that I did after my family moved to Ann Arbor was a drama about child labor regulations at the beginning of the twentieth century, and the director had used the soundtrack throughout the play. It was incredibly strange, hearing a song that I had heard hundreds of times in an entirely different context.

In the film, Atticus Finch (played perfectly by Gregory Peck) came across on screen just the way he had in the book… a quietly strong man, utterly confident in the direction of his moral compass, making a difference not through brute force but by his wits, a man who knows that the tactic of changing minds through rationality is ten times more effective than using fear and intimidation. Plus, I’ve always been a sucker for a good courtroom drama.

But there’s so much more to this story… these characters live in a world that was so much simpler, but the film never pretends that there wasn’t a large helping of ignorance to go along with the innocence. It resists sentimentalizing bygone days, but points out how far we have come since then, and how far we have yet to go.



Honorable Mention – David Lynch

I don’t remember which of David Lynch’s films I saw first. I think it must have been Dune, although I doubt you’ll find any fan of his work that thinks his adaptation of Frank Herbert’s seminal sci-fi novel is even artistically consistent with any of his other work. I finally realized his true brilliance when “Twin Peaks” came on the air…

But that will come later in the Television section. Right now I’m looking back at my Top Ten Drama list and realizing that he’s not there… how could that be? As I said earlier, he’s one of the extremely few directors whose films I will go and see without any question. His films are like pure distillation of someone’s troubled dreams, and I find them completely fascinating. Even when they don’t make any sense, you get the feeling that everything that happens in them is tied together on a subconscious level. The first time I saw Mulholland Drive, I couldn’t make heads or tails of it, but I felt deep in my gut that it did all fit together somehow. Lynch’s films make me think, make me turn them over and over again in my mind, trying to get the pieces to fit. But I don’t know if I can consider any of them in my Top Ten. So if I find him such a reliable and rich source of enjoyment, why not?

It may be because they don’t really fit the criteria for good drama that I set at the beginning of this section: man confronting the unknown and being changed by it. You can say that Lynch’s films are about that, but his characters usually leave very little for us to identify with… I can’t really say that I feel an emotional connection to Kyle MacLachlan’s character in Blue Velvet, Nicolas Cage in Wild at Heart, or Jack Nance in Eraserhead. Even though The Elephant Man found the humanity in the tragic human oddity of John Merrill, it was still from a distance, taking on a little too much of the chilliness of Victorian England. The closest he’s ever gotten to creating that fragile umbilicus between lead character and audience was probably with Richard Farnsworth in The Straight Story, a G-rated film about an elderly man who drives a riding mower hundreds of miles to see his ailing, estranged brother.

Another reason, I become more and more convinced, is that Lynch is less able to articulate his thoughts than any other artist I’ve known. Any question for explanation for his ideas ends up with his nasal, strangely naïve voice saying “Well, A film has a sort of feel to it, and you just keep working until it feels right”. Even the feature-length documentary to his most enigmatic film, Eraserhead, begins with him saying “I really don’t remember much about writing the script, or any of the ideas I had at the time.” He’s the perfect example of an artist who doesn’t think, but instead just does. And considering that I find his work full of subtext and resonant with something very deep in my subconscious, I find it unendingly frustrating that even he doesn’t know what’s going on most of the time.

Still, I love the work, the strange fascination he has with curtains, parquet floors, and grievous head wounds. As I write this, his tenth feature film, Inland Empire, has just premiered at the Venice Film Festival, where he received the Golden Lion for Lifetime Achievement. In a world where the ranks of the auteur are thinning out and it’s become increasingly easy to separate the creator from the creation, it’s nice to know that there’s someone still out there pursuing their own vision, no matter where it leads, or even if they are as surprised as we are by what they find there.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

16 Years?!?

This is how I remember it. She might recall it differently, but this is how it is in my mind...

It was June 3rd, 1988. We had gone to see a movie earlier in the evening (we saw a lot of them in those days -- on that particular date it happened to be Crocodile Dundee II), and then gone for a walk in Gallup Park and been chased by older kids with flashlights. We had run away from them, holding hands. We were at her house now, and my brother and his date were waiting in the car while we said goodnight. His date had to be dropped off on our way home, so I knew that we were going to be cutting it close to midnight, which was our curfew.

I walked her up to her front porch, a concrete slab two steps up from the driveway, and stood there right next to the porch lamp, which was the only light nearby, blinding because of the surrounding dark. I knew her dad was probably waiting just inside the door, in the living room, and in a minute or two would start flicking the light on and off impatiently. We said our goodnights, and at the point where I would usually turn and walk to my car, giving a wave as I went and a promise that I would call her the next day, I just stood there.

We looked at each other, waiting, for what seemed like a long time, and then she said, softly, smiling, "Are you going to kiss me or what?"

It was all the invitation I needed. I leaned in, and was suddenly aware of how close her face was, closer than we had ever been before -- and I then I felt her lips on mine. Every part of my body, all the sensory input it was receiving -- the cool night air, the blinding porch light, all of it -- was gone except for the feeling of one second of those soft lips...

Then she pulled back from me, said goodnight again, and went inside. I got in my car and drove all the way home with my windows half-open to the summer night, a big stupid grin on my face.

And today we celebrate our 16th wedding anniversary. I hope Muffinhead knows how much I still love her after more than 22 years after that night, and even though that kiss was only the first of thousands, after each one -- on the inside, at least -- I'm still that teenager with a grin on his face, speeding home in the dark on a summer night.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Lily tells a joke?

I swear that Lily actually made a joke tonight... it was really the first time I've spent time alone with her since the massive relative conjunction of last weekend (which I'm sure has at least one story that will be told and retold through the generations). I was going to make her evening bottle, and as I usually do I scooped her up and took her into the kitchen with me so she could "help" me prepare it.

I picked up the bottle and the nipple off the drying rack, and instead of handing her the bottle like I usually do, I handed her the nipple, which I had already pulled through its plastic ring that twists onto the bottle. She immediately raised her hand, put the nipple on top of my head, said something that sounded suspiciously like "hat" and then started laughing.

We have the makings of a comic genius here, folks.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

My Top Ten Movies - Comedy

Movies are the hub around which all American pop culture rotates. It seems that the life of no creative work is complete until it becomes a feature film. Even something like The Da Vinci Code, which it seems everyone must own a copy of in hardcover, didn’t fully enter the American collective consciousness until it starred Tom Hanks and was presented in Dolby Surround Sound. Even television, which for a long time seemed to be the nemesis of cinema, has adapted itself to the medium, so that now many series have story arcs that develop over the course of the entire series, effectively making them more like long movies than individual, stand-alone chapters.

It’s no surprise, really. Movies, more than any other medium, are the most adaptable in terms of the experience. They’re of a length that, while feeling like a long time to become enfolded in a story, also don’t take up your entire evening. They’re just as enjoyable as a night out as they are as a night on the couch. And most of all, they can be either a communal experience, or can be enjoyed in total solitude.

There’s really no parallel to the thrill a movie can provide. Books, music, television, or any other storytelling medium you can think of, all have their unique way of peeling up the corners of your psyche and digging themselves in, but movies seem to be able to do it better than any other. Case in point: a certain member of my family had a few rough years of childhood, having seen both Psycho and Jaws at nearly the same time, and subsequently not wanting to not be involved with bathing in any way. I, myself, remember the 100 minutes I spent transfixed by the slowly-dawning horror of The Wicker Man, and how I watched and rewatched the deathbed dictation scene in Amadeus, which in my opinion contains the finest acting of the decade. My favorite moment, though, was the collective gasp of the crowd both times we saw the alien mothership rising up above Devil’s Tower at the end of Close Encounters of the Third Kind.

Everyone has their own personal moments, but if you were to lay anyone’s particular set out on a table, you’d have a very accurate cross-section of who they are, what they like and dislike, what really gets their mind churning. To that end, I offer you forty-five of mine…

First up, comedy. Ah, comedy. Is there anything better than sitting down to a favorite film, knowing ahead of time that it’s going to be hilarious? I propose that there is not. In compiling this list, I began to realize just how few films there are that comedically get to me time and time again, but within that group there’s a lot of diversity. Here they are (as of June 2006, at least), and I hope to prove that comedy has more to offer to us than just the chance to laugh.



1. What’s Up, Doc? (1972)

Pound for pound, this is the most entertaining comedy I’ve ever seen, hands down. There’s something for everyone in this movie, highbrow, lowbrow, and everywhere in between. The plot, brilliantly scripted by Buck Henry, David Newman, and Robert Benton, is far too convoluted (not to mention silly) to recap here, but it’s pretty incidental anyway. Basically, a series of identical overnight bags get switched between residents of a San Francisco hotel, leading to an endless and dazzling array of mistaken identities, ludicrous slapstick, lightning-fast wordplay, and the sheer joy of watching actors who obviously love what they’re doing. Since those actors include Barbra Streisand, Ryan O’Neal, Kenneth Mars, Madeline Kahn, and Austin Pendleton, you can imagine how much fun that is. In fact, I believe this would probably be one of the most quotable films in cinematic history, if only the dialogue didn’t go blurring by at a sometimes disorienting speed…

“I know I’m different, but from now on I’m going to try to be the same.”

"The same as what?”

”The same as people who aren’t different.”


“Good morning!”

“No… I don’t think so.”


“Love means never having to say you’re sorry.”

“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.” (this line, of course, is spoken by Ryan O’Neal)


“Who are you?”

“I am Hugh!”

“You are me?”

… I could go on. For a long time. Seriously, if you’ve ever heard me deliver a deadpan line, or mutter an offhand comment under my breath, this is where I learned it.

I hold it in such high regard that I found myself turning to it on a day when I needed a laugh more than ever. On September 11, 2001, Amy and I spent the day like everyone else, watching the endless loop of destruction on the news, not knowing if the horrors of that day were a mere prelude to something even worse. I had come home early from work, and I was literally afraid to stop watching television, half-convinced I was seeing the very fabric of civilization collapsing around us. As the afternoon and evening passed, my eyes started to glaze over, and I began to realize that I wouldn’t be able to go to bed without some sort of resolution.

And that’s where What’s Up, Doc? did its magic. Amy and I watched the whole thing before going to bed that night, and I’ve never known a time when a film was more precisely what I needed at the time I saw it. The ludicrousness of the story and the characters were the perfect antidote to the entire day, and I went to bed, not with a feeling of contentment, but at least the assurance that the sun would come up the next morning.



2. My Favorite Year (1982)

Another function that comedy performs in our lives is to how important it is to believe in something, even if it seems ridiculous or trivial, or doesn’t even hold up to what it promises to be when you look at it up close.

Like heroes, for instance. There’s a kind of unwritten pact that we enter into with those that we look up to… they’ll continue to be the shining beacon of what we want them (and, by extension, ourselves) to be, and they allow us believe that's who they really are. But what if you came face-to-face with your ultimate hero, only to find that he’s an unapologetic drunk, and incredibly flawed in just about every way? That’s the dilemma that Mark Linn-Baker faces in this 1982 classic.

Mark plays Benjy Stone, a junior writer for the most popular live sketch comedy show in 1950’s Manhattan. He’s living every kid’s dream, hanging around "30 Rock" with genuinely funny people all day and being paid for it. When Benjy’s all-time favorite action hero, Alan Swann, is scheduled to be that week’s guest star, he’s almost beside himself. That is, until Swann shows up, in the form of Peter O’Toole, slurring and stumbling through a role that seems tailor-made for him and his off-screen bad boy image. (King Richard the Lionhearted? Lawrence of Arabia? They came later. This is how I was introduced to Sir Peter.)

Benjy continues to defend Swann’s loutishness, until he’s the only one who believe that there’s still a “silly goddamn hero” hiding somewhere inside the disappointing boor. And when that hero finally comes out in the movie’s final scene, I defy you not to start grinning from ear to ear, pretty much the way I have each of the twenty-plus times I’ve seen this movie.

What continues to strike me about this film is how jam-packed it is with great bits going on around the periphery. Often the funniest person on screen isn’t the one delivering the punchline. Of course, when you load your ensemble with Mr. Linn-Baker, Joseph Bologna, Adolph Green, and Lainie Kazan (at a mere forty years old, already well entrenched in the embarassing-ethnic-mother role she would continue to play her entire career), you’re already halfway there.

Here’s an interesting note…

I never realized, until I listened to the DVD commentary by director Richard Benjamin, that it boasts the longest single sustained special effect in film history. Seriously! It’s the 45-second shot of Peter O’Toole and Mark Linn-Baker walking and talking through 1950’s Manhattan, and the matte painting that flawlessly fills in the skyline above them the entire time.

But the heart of the film strikes deep into my own personal philosophy, which is that wholeheartedly believing in something makes it true, in a very fundamental sense, and it’s Benjy’s faith in his childhood hero that ultimately forces Alan Swann to become, well, Alan Swann.


3. The Music Man (1962)

I’ve known many a musical in my day (if you need proof, see my Musical Influences list), but this is one of the best translations from stage to screen there has ever been. It really was a bridge for me, firmly connecting the theatrical world that my parents raised me in and the realm of movies that I would move into on my own. Usually, works for the stage have to be “opened up” when it’s time to make a movie of them, adding locations so that the whole thing doesn’t come off as feeling “stagy”. This version of Meredith Willson’s show, however, uses its acute sense of place to create the illusion of a real Iowa town in the 1920’s, to the point where it appears almost tactile. River City, Iowa, is right up there with Ray Bradbury’s Greentown, Illinois as the collecting place of all American nostalgia, a warm, welcoming place that brings to life the world as you thought it was when you were five years old.

This idyll is turned sociologically inside-out when a con artist comes to town, taking everyone’s money under the pretense of being a music teacher selling instruments and band uniforms as insulation against pool-hall sin. As with musicals like this one, the stakes are never all that high, even if the characters themselves think they are. You can just settle back in your chair and enjoy all the comings and goings, the petty political intrigue and innocent romances. It must have been an anachronism even when it first came out, and it's all the more charming for it.

Robert Preston plays the con man, and Shirley Jones is the stuffy piano teacher who knows his story doesn’t ring true from the very start. In a word, they’re perfect. You would never guess that Preston had originated this role on Broadway, his reactions and timing are so fresh, and Ms. Jones, who always seemed more at home to me here than the lurid 60’s of her Partridge Family fame, is so radiant she probably lit some of the scenes herself. Actually, that could be due to the fact that she was pregnant through the entire shoot – see how her costumes become more and more billowy as time goes on? Man, these DVD commentaries really are something!

The film never suffers from the over-long syndrome that many musicals fall prey to, even when Buddy Hackett goes off on a tangent and leads an entire dance number about the virtues of prudent women. It’s also one that should be definitely seen in widescreen, since that’s the only way you can get all four Buffalo Bills on screen at the same time.

When Amy’s grandmother passed away in 1992, she had already asked that “Goodnight My Someone” be played at her funeral, and the honor fell to me to play it, accompanying the singing of one of the theater friends of her son Alex. It was incredibly difficult to get through… it’s simultaneously one of the saddest and most hopeful songs I know, full of both hope and tragic acceptance at the same time.



4. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)

I’ve been a fan of Michel Gondry ever since I saw his mind-bending music videos (like Kylie Minogue’s “Come Into My World” - YouTube it and we'll compare notes on how we think it was done), so it was practically a given that I would enjoy his feature films. What I didn’t expect was a story so beautifully nuanced and emotionally elegant as this.

Before I go on, let me say that I have mixed feelings about the computer-generated revolution in special effects. While it allows us to see things that would be impossible with bluescreen or miniatures alone, it’s given the most fantastic sights a casualness that I’m not entirely comfortable with. I guess it’s raised the bar in terms of how special effects are used, rather than the fact that’s they’re present at all. I’ve never seen CG effects used in a more purposeful and elegant way than Spielberg’s sci-fi movies (AI, Minority Report, War of the Worlds), but in the hands of lesser filmmakers they can be just as soulless as, say, bad stop-motion animation. The beauty of M. Gondry’s work, however, is that the effects are never obvious or front-and-center. They still have playfulness to them, that tinge of “how-did-he-do-that?” uncertainty which today’s seamless CG work tends to render moot. But in a Gondry film, the effects merely play around the periphery, framing but never detracting from the human interactions.

Take, for example, the scene in the middle of Eternal Sunshine, where Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet, as boyfriend and girlfriend, are having an intense conversation in a bookstore. As they talk and argue about their relationship, the color starts bleaching from the books on the shelves behind them, one by one, until they’re standing amid entire shelves of white-on-white books. And why is this happening? Because we’re in a flashback… Jim is having his memory professionally erased to make him forget all about Kate, since their relationship did end, and end badly. The catch, however, and the hinge that the entire plot turns on, is that partway through the erasing procedure, Jim decides he doesn’t want to forget the relationship after all, and tries to find obscure memories to hide his thoughts of Kate in, so he’ll still remember her when the procedure is over.

It’s a testament to Gondry’s artfulness that this incredibly abstract plot is so cohesive and emotionally real on the screen, even amid all the digital trickery, and the final scene is one of the most tragic, and simultaneously uplifting, ones that I’ve ever seen. And it does it without any special effects at all.



5. Wet Hot American Summer (2001)

It takes a lot for a new comedy to break into my top ten list. It’s not that I’m one of those people who think that today’s comedy is nothing but gags involving sex and feces. Believe me, I can enjoy a good poo joke just as much as the next guy. But the truth is that comedy is hard to sustain over ninety or a hundred minutes. There’s got to be a living, beating heart under all the goofy reaction shots and pie-throwing, or ultimately is just doesn’t hang together.

Along with a DVD commentary track featuring the director and some of the cast, WHAS has an audio track that is identical to the original film, except that there are additional man-made farting sounds every time a character makes a sudden move. If that doesn’t sound like a completely brilliant idea to you, then you probably shouldn’t bother watching the film itself. Actually, the same goes for a character having a can of vegetables as a spiritual guru, a group of nerdy kids saving their summer camp from a falling Skylab, or a heartfelt rendition of “Day By Day” from Godspell being soundly booed at a talent show.

Still with me? Then we have much to discuss.

WHAS takes every convention from the American summer camp/sex comedy genre and twists it until it almost snaps. And that’s about as elaborate as the plot gets. But when the cast consists of alumni of defunct comic ensemble The State (Michael Showalter, Michael Ian Black, director David Wain), as well as Paul Rudd, Janeane Garofalo, David Hyde Pierce, and Amy Poehler, you shouldn’t be watching for the subtle intricacies of the story line.

This is one of the few films that have made me laugh so hard that I’ve ended up sweating.



6. Monty Python & the Holy Grail (1975)

My school theater program did several workshops with Detroit’s eminent troupe Theater Grottesco during my high school years. Malcolm Tulip, one of Grottesco’s founding members and an Englishman, once nearly flew into a rage when someone mentioned Monty Python. He said that he hated them, loathed them in fact.

“Why do you hate them so much?” we asked him.

“Because every bloody American thinks they can do them!” he replied.

And, to some degree, he was right. Just about every adolescent in this country recites entire Python routines, all in the same horrible approximation of a British accent. But where Malcolm saw it as bad impersonations, in actuality it’s done out of sheer admiration. In fact, I believe that every high school kid, in some way, needs to experience the six men that compromise that classic comedy troupe.

At first, in the late 60’s, Python became an unwitting example of the American counter-culture through their TV show "Monty Python's Flying Circus", and the way they gleefully tore down every convention they could get their hands on. By the time I got around to them in the late 80’s, however, they had come to be something a little more universal. They embodied everything that was out-of-bounds as far as comedy was concerned, pushing their way out into uncharted territory. They seemed to be totally unconcerned with whether what they were doing was particularly funny or not (in fact, I think they have about a 50-50 funny-to-unfunny-ideas ratio); instead, they simply wanted to do something that was “out there”, something that had never been done before. And in going for the ludicrous, they expanded all our minds in the definition of what could be comsidered funny.

For many of us, they were an essential part of not only our development as pop-culture consumers, but of our own senses of humor. They taught us that if handled properly, nothing is completely out of bounds. And coming themselves from a culture that prides itself on its steadfastness, it drives the point home even further.

As for the movie itself… King Arthur tops a fog-shrouded hill, skipping along in front of his manservant, who is clacking two coconut halves together to mimic the sound of a trotting horse. When the pair approach a castle, the unseen guards enter into a heated discussion with them about exactly how a person would go about getting a coconut in medieval England. And that’s just the first three minutes of this epic about rabbits of both the lethal and Trojan variety, Holy Grail-shaped beacons, sorcerers named Tim, knights whose sole desire to own a shrubbery, and a head-spinning variety of every self-referential sort of joke you can think of. The film doesn’t play by anyone’s rules, even committing the most cardinal sin of not bothering to have an ending.

This is one of those films that I’m positive will be just as hilarious and influential in the twenty-fifth century as it has been in the twentieth.



7. Just Friends (2005)

I’ll come right out and say it: I saw this movie for the first time only two days before I put this list together. Ergo, this movie might not make the cut when I get around to updating this list. But I laughed out loud so many times while watching this that I just had to include it.

There’s a fine art to comedic timing, especially pertaining to physical humor. I remember reading that the great Warner Brothers animator Chuck Jones experimented tirelessly with making the process of Wile E. Coyote falling off a cliff as funny as possible. He finally determined the perfect amount of time between the moment when the falling Wile E. disappears from sight and the thud-and-dust-cloud when he hits bottom: 17 frames. Not 16, or 15, but 17. That’s an adjustment of 1/24th of a second. That’s how exact comedic timing it. And how ineffable; you either have it or you don’t. Just Friends hits that elusive mark with a higher percentage that any film I’ve seen in a long time.

In it, Ryan Reynolds plays a big-shot L.A. record executive who is only now realizing how shallow his life really is. He thinks often of his hometown on the East Coast, and his best friend in high school (Amy Smart), who he never admitted his true feelings for. So when he’s forced to make an emergency stopover in that hometown en route to a Christmas in Paris with a bubbleheaded pop star (Anna Faris), he sees the chance to confess his love and set his life back on the course it should have taken.

There’s an inordinate amount of physical comedy and visual humor here, so much so that it seems like the entire film should fall apart as sight gag after sight gag plays out, but strangely enough, it doesn’t. Even when events border on the ridiculously implausible, it’s all done with such a sense of comedic tautness that it sometimes looks like a ballet is being performed. There isn’t anyone who can pull a deadpan reaction like Ryan Reynolds, and Anna Faris proves that she’s more than just the straight-woman from the Scary Movie movies by adapting a stream-of-caffeinated-consciousness persona as the embodiment of all pop vapidity.

But best of all is Roger Kumble’s direction, which beautifully orchestrates every sight gag to perfection, never lingering when a jump cut is funnier. One of my favorite running gags in the film is the way Reynolds’ character and his little brother mercilessly – and matter-of-factly – beat on each other at every opportunity, and how that brutality is gradually revealed to be the ultimate expression of brotherly affection. It’s one of the many ways this film demonstrates a real soul under its goofy, hell-bent mania.



8. Ed Wood (1994)

I’ve never really been a fan of director Ed Wood’s incompetent brand of filmmaking. It’s amusing, of course, to watch Plan 9 from Outer Space and marvel at the torturous, labored twists of the plot that eventually adds up to nothing, or even contradicting itself, and the endlessly looped footage of Bela Lugosi walking around (the only footage completed before the veteran star died). But what I never appreciated was the determination it took to make films like Atomic Bride or Spider Baby until I saw this film, one of the many collaborations between director Tim Burton and star Johnny Depp.

The film, in large part based on the life of the real Ed Wood, follows him through the high and low points of his career. Ed has a lot to deal with… from his own leanings toward transvestitism, to his strange friendship with the aging, morphine-addled Lugosi, to trying to find new and novel ways to raise money for his increasingly boneheaded ideas for films. That’s the part that works best in this film, because Depp makes clear in portraying Ed Wood exactly what one must remember when watching his films… the man loved making them. He loved everything about the process, from hammering out an idea on an Underwood typewriter, to getting his friends to take starring roles, no matter how inept at acting they were, to piecing everything together in the editing room.

The film’s climax comes on opening night of Plan 9, and the excitement that Ed and his band of friends feel as the lights go down and the crowd starts cheering is amazingly visceral. You even stay with Ed as he keeps watching the screen, smiling even as the cheers turn into boos and swirling storms of hurled popcorn. The look on Depp’s face tells you everything; he made the film for himself, and loves it no matter what anyone else thinks. This man believed he was talented, believed that just about any special effect could be fudged with stock footage, believed that he was making important films that would stand the test of time. He was right on at least that last point, and by the time the movie’s over, you’ll swear that you could make one too.

One of my favorite scenes is late in the film, when Wood happens to run into a world-weary Orson Welles, and the two commiserate about the harsh realities of the film business. Think about it: if everyone believed in themselves as much as Ed Wood did, and put their faith in the magic of their own creativity, what kind of world would this be?



9. Garden State (2004)

When it came time to do the write-up for all these choice pieces of pop culture I’ve selected, I had to think about specific reasons why I like each of them so much. And frankly, at first I wondered why I put Garden State, both the writing and directing debut of “Scrubs” star Zach Braff, in the Comedy category. On the surface, it seems like it shouldn’t belong there. But I instinctively listed it right along with my other laugh-out-loud favorites, and I had to ask myself why. The film is basically about a young man (played by Braff himself), coming home after the death of his mother, and follows the way in which he deals with his emotionally distant father, at the same time trying to find a way to find his life’s center after it’s been thrown as far off track as it can be.

What I finally came up with, after thinking about the film, is while the core of the story is tragic, there are bright glimmers all around the edges, the brightest of which is the character played by Natalie Portman, a girl who at first seems to be nothing but a bare construct of quirks, but eventually reveals the complex, conflicted character underneath. She’s really the antithesis of Braff’s character, who is nothing but a ball of angst to begin with. Watching the two of them circle around their attraction for each other, learning by fits and starts how to prop each other up and balance each other out, is nothing short of inspiring.

It doesn’t sound particularly funny, does it? But whether you consider Garden State to be a comedy or not probably hinges on how you consider life itself. In and around the inherent sadness of the film, there’s a warmth and beauty to even the most offhand images and dialogue that’s missing from a lot of “feel-good” films. Even when the characters seem hopelessly lost, there’s never a second’s doubt that they'll find their way back. At least, that’s how it made me feel, and if that’s the feeling you take away from this film, you’ll understand why it’s in this category. But if you find yourself returning to returning to the darker parts, the excruciating break-up scene at the end, or the bizarre idea of a bottomless pit out in the middle of the New Jersey wilderness, then you’ll probably believe that this film, like life itself, can only be considered a drama.



10. Raising Arizona (1987)

There was a time when I studied film, and my eye necessarily turned to the more technical aspects of the art form. During that period, the idea of telling a good story took a backseat to being innovative with camera angles, special effects, and whatever other forms of gonzo trickery the filmmaker could throw at me. It was during this time that I got into the films of Orson Welles, Sam Raimi (the Evil Dead films in particular), and the Coen brothers.

While most people probably prefer Fargo as the best of Joel and Ethan’s work, for me it’s this babynapping-gone-wrong story. Where Fargo has a bitter undercurrent that powers every character except the valiant sheriff Marge, everyone in Raising Arizona just wants to be happy. Even if their values are skewed enough to believe that robbery and kidnapping are required to meet those ends, their hearts are always yearning toward the right place. That attitude is probably the only way the plot could be viewed as comedic: Holly Hunter and not-yet-self-parodic Nicolas Cage are a mismatched couple (a police officer and a barely reformed ex-con, respectively), who fulfill their ardent wish to be parents by stealing one of the richest quintuplets in the state. See what I mean? They only steal the child of someone who has plenty to spare! Their attempts at evading the law are complicated by the bumbling “help” of two of Nic’s escaped inmate friends, and the constant pursuit of a burly, bestial bounty hunter who seems to have otherworldly tracking abilities.

No one can pull off a visual joke quite like the Coens, and that’s even more impressive once you find how equally adept they are at comedic dialogue. Here’s a sample of their style, set in a general store:

“Do you sell balloons?”

“Yup.”

“Do they come in funny shapes?”

“Nope. Less’n you think round’s funny.”

The comedy is all deadpan, and all of it works. You can easily forgive the usual strange inconsistencies and unexplained bits of Coen brothers movies, which I find especially tantalizing. For example, why does Nicolas have a tattoo identical to one the bounty hunter has? Are they long-lost brothers? Two halves of some fractured psyche? I’ve never found anyone who could explain that to me. And maybe I don’t want to.

Many of those films I saw during those college years, full of whip-pans, extreme zooms, and interminable Steadicam shots, have fallen by the wayside, but it turns out that there’s much more going on in this one. Through all the dubious moral decisions and weirdness, there’s a lively spirit that never fails to bring a smile to my face.



Honorable Mention – Colin Higgins

In 1981, my family began subscribing to HBO, and it was a real turning point in my film education, or at least as much of one that a kid of ten really needs. All of a sudden, movies were readily available every day, dispensed as easily as potato chips, without commercials or any other distractions. I had the pleasure of being introduced to films I’d never see otherwise (and, truthfully, some I never bothered to see again). Not only that, but I had the chance to see them over and over AND OVER, to make my first attempts to study them and figure out why they did or didn't work.

I never realized it at the time, but during those halcyon years between our first month of receiving HBO to our purchase of a VCR (about four years, as far as I can remember), my eyeballs were infused with the work of one filmmaker more than any other… Colin Higgins.

Who the hell? you’re probably asking, as did I when I recently realized the connection (thanks to the almighty IMDB). But aside from writing the classic Harold and Maude, for which he's best known, this guy must have had some kind of Faustian pact with HBO. There’s a short list of about a dozen films I’ve seen more than any others, simply because they’d run almost every other day, and no less than three of my top (technically, I should say “most frequent”) ten were written or directed by Mr Higgins. I know nothing about him, but I know that those three films (the Goldie Hawn/Chevy Chase thriller-comedy Foul Play, the Gene Wilder/Richard Pryor thriller-comedy Silver Streak, and the Lily Tomlin/Jane Fonda/Dolly Parton office comedy Nine to Five) all were the result of this one man, who I still know nothing about. But I couldn’t complete this section without giving a little tribute to this unsung hero of HBO-children everywhere, whether they know it or not. Mr. Higgins, I salute you.

And beware of the dwarf.

OCEAN-SIZED (1996)

We went to the roller coaster first. We bought the tickets at the small booth next to its massive, wooden bulk. Three tickets, at fifty cents apiece, to get on. It was late, getting on toward ten-thirty, and the midway would shut down strictly at eleven. Already the crowds were gone, only a few stragglers together, young couples holding hands, a few with children, bleary-eyed but still excited by all the racing lights and music.

There was no line on the wood ramps leading up to the coaster. My brother walked a bit ahead of me, leading me toward the first amusement ride I had taken in three years. Because we like to think of ourselves as coaster connoisseurs, we sat the in last car, back seat. Any coaster fan will tell you that the ride is bumpiest back there, and cresting the top of the first hill at full speed in a completely different ride than the front.

I suppose if, at the top of the first hill, as the chain clacked like laughter and dragged us in diabolical lurches up to the sign that read DO NOT STAND UP, I had turned my head to the right, I would have seen it. Maybe I would have been distracted, for one brief second forgotten that I was about to go from high above the earth to ground level in about two seconds. As it was, I was hanging onto the bar, reacting the way I always did at the top of a coaster hill, in that breathless instant before gravity has its way with you, my mind racing, no, I’m not ready yet, give me a second to brace myself! But that was it. We swooped over the crest with unbelievable momentum, and the timbers rattled as did my teeth and we were down on the ground, trying to breathe while that momentum was already dragging us up the next hill. My brother let out a whoop, and I grinned, having missed that sounds, remembering it from back when a yearly pilgrimage to Cedar point was a given. Now, three thousand miles way and several years older, I was reintroduced to it.

Soon we were both yelling, the only people on the coaster save for a couple at the front. Our yells rang out as we dove for the ground a dozen times, each time saved by the arc of the gently curving track, cunningly designed to leave us suspended a fraction of an inch above our seats for the shortest second as we barreled over the top of each hill. All too soon it was over, and my brother told me there was one more thing that he wanted to show me before we left.

He led me away from the entrance where his car was parked, between the rows of buildings, which in the beginning were penny arcades and attractions, now surf shops and arcades twenty-five times more expensive. Down a narrow but well-lit area next to an indoor Olympic-sized pool, where little speakers playing string quartets popped up out of the underbrush like weeds.

We broke free from the enclosing buildings and found ourselves on the boardwalk that ran along the ocean. It was hard to see the shore, because of the large sodium-arc globes that ran off in either direction at precise fifty-foot intervals along the planks, but I could hear it, smell it. The ocean mist had settled in early that evening, so I had been denied the view of a bona fide San Diego sunset, but there was something calming about how night had settled, sneaking up in a shroud of gray fog.

I asked my brother where we were going. I saw nothing of interest along the boardwalk, save for the buildings we had just walked through. Everything else had been shut up for the night, lights turned off. “Down here,” he said.

He stepped off the boardwalk, down some concrete steps to the beach. He said something about how he hoped we’d get to see some sand crabs, so I watched my feet as we headed down to where the waves came in. Now I wonder, did he say that just to get me to look down, to not see what we were walking toward? “Here we are,” he said when we had reached the water’s edge. I looked up into an absolute void.

Out in front of us, the black-and-white wave simultaneously rolled out of and slid back into a blackness darker than any I had ever seen. A wide band where the horizon should have been had simply been erased. No stars, no moon. Just and empty space, so empty that I felt there was a black curtain three feet in front of me, blocking out that part of the world. I could have seen it from the coaster, but I was glad I hadn’t.

I thought about it for a second, and it made perfect sense. The haze above us was lit by the boardwalk lights, the sand and waves reflecting the same, but out at eye level, twenty miles straight ahead in the ocean sky, all the boardwalks in the world couldn’t have lit up the air that far out. No light, and nothing for it to bounce back from. No eyes to record it anyway. There was nothing that could have been blacker.

It was almost as if I had been blinded in that one area of me, a Cinemascope-sized chunk taken directly out of my vision. But this wasn’t the kind of darkness that comes from closing your eyes. This was a wonderfully open darkness, where space existed but there was no means of sensing it other than simply knowing it was there. All at once I felt the pull of other times, other people. The first people, who didn’t have the safety of neon and incandescence to return to, who saw that emptiness filling every inch of space around them, the waves calling to them seductively. The men who looked out and saw adventure, who conquered the emptiness by spending entire lives sailing through it on boats made of roller-coaster wood.

My brother and I exchanged a few words to assure each other that we were still there. Then we turned around, still seeing no crabs, no forms of life at all, and headed back through the buildings, now darker, no longer infused with invisible string quartets, and returned to civilization.

TERRAPHOBIA (1996)

When I was young, a child of about ten, I would try to stay up all night on the last day of school, to celebrate the earthly paradise of summer that the dawn would bring. Because I could never physically manage to stay up all night, I assumed that the whole world was that way, that there was a void between midnight and four where absolutely no one was awake, nothing moved. Everything just shut down into a black anti-world for a few hours.

As I grew up, I realized that was never the case, the world was a twenty-four-hour place. But at that moment, inexplicably, I was walking through the imagined starkness of childhood night, pulling my coat tighter about me. It was late, without even a sign of the morning. I tried to keep my balance against the wind, which seemed to blow straight down from above the tops of the skyscrapers that surrounded me on all sides. No clouds that night, so all of the earth’s heat just evaporated out into space.

There was no help around when my lucky 1979 Susan B. decided to jump out of my pocket and make a run for it. NO one but me considered that night a fit one to be out, apparently. The coin skittered along the gutter and slipped down a storm drain with a brief flash of reflected light. So I got down on my hands and knees and stuck my arm down in the gap between the grate and the curb. Just far enough to knock the coin off its ledge. Great.

I tested the grimy plate of metal with my fingers, found it loose. Checking around to make sure that no one was watching, I pulled the heavy grating aside and dropped down into the closet-sized area under the street. The moon tracked a cold white path down one of the walls, making accumulated muck glisten. I retrieved the Susan B. and prepared to climb up, but found no handholds that weren’t covered with some kind of slippery moss.

When I stopped splashing around in order to think of how I could possibly get back to the surface, I started hearing things, echoes from very far away down the system of cobblestone pipes. Just the roar of traffic passing along the river, I figured, and start walking in that direction, fairly certain the passage had much easier ways out than the one I had been attempting.

The farther I got, however, the less the noises sounded like traffic. Whatever it was, it started coming toward me in a strange rhythm, like breakers on the shore, or a half-heard choir practice. There was a warm air flowing past me as well, and was that light ahead? I was nearing the way out, I reasoned, and the wind reverberating endlessly off the slick stone down here could configure into any manner of sounds. I kept going, but I realized I had unconsciously lightened my footsteps, minimizing the splashing sounds. I turned a corner, and finally saw where the light was coming from. My feet stopped moving, my breath refused to leave my throat.

I had heard that in times of either sense deprivation or sense overload, the mind can create any manner of things to justify what it is (or isn’t) seeing. I tell myself this is what happened just then. I felt as if a circuit had blown just behind my eyes, or an air rifle had puffed a cloud of dust into them. I stumbled back around the corner, trying not to choke on my own screams. I staggered back the way I had come, no longer caring how much noise I made.

My fevered brain had too much time to think on the way back to the storm drain. What had been going on in that vast open space beyond the archway? The area had been far too large to actually support the buildings overhead, and the light that shone directly down was not the color or quality of any I had ever seen. And those things down below, on the floor of the chamber! They had somehow resembled men, but their joints were terribly wrong, sprawled as you would expect the victim of a tumble down a long flight of stairs might look. But the joyous, chilling sounds they made! The twisted figures sand and writhed deliriously around the base of a huge obsidian statue, whose features I tried not to recall, and which sat back in some hollowed recess, out of the darkened light.

I found the grate easily enough. I hadn’t changed direction much on my way through the drain. It must have been sheer force of will that made me lift myself back up to the street by my fingertips. I ran blindly, hearing unexplainable things, sounds that I somehow knew had been there all along, if only I had paid attention. The sounds of that rhythmic chanting pulsed up from under every manhole cover, ricocheted off the mirrored face of every buildings, making the city itself creak and groan under its own weight, like an enormous ghost ship.

I finally threw myself down, face first, in a decrepit city park and clung to the unmown grass for dear life. In my broken mind now, absolutely nothing was sure. There was even the distinct possibility that the very earth itself would betray me, flip upside down like a spinning top and throw me off into the empty spaces between the stars.

I tried desperately to drive the one recurring, maddening thought out of my head. Were my overloading eyes simply playing tricks, or, at the last second, had that colossal black statue somehow leaned its shiny, oblong head forward into the light? Had it really inclined its head and peered at me on the ledge, the way a cat turns one predatory eye toward a mousehole? I told myself, over and over and over, that I couldn’t be sure.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Lily Lexicon

My parents have said that the personalities of my brother and I were present, even when we were very small children, and there are many things about us that don't surprise them, given our manner of being and interests back then. So I find myself subconsciously find myself trying to gauge my own daughter this way, trying to find a pattern behind the things she finds fascinating now and extrapolating them into what she might become one day.

If you spend any time with my daughter, you'll notice first and foremost that she's fascinated by numbers, even more so than letters. I haven't done the research to see if that's something that most kids are likely to do or not, but from my limited knowledge it seems to set her apart. Thanks to the work of her mother, primarily, she's already able to recognize numbers and loves calling them out whenever she sees them... in fact, there are many times when she'll call out a number, and it will take both Amy and me several seconds of looking around to see where that number is. But it's always somewhere.

I should also point out that Lily's favorite TV shows are Team Umizoomi (on Nickelodeon, and deals with numbers, patterns, and problem solving) and Deal or No Deal (which has more big, shiny numbers than any other show out there).

Since I started this post intending to put together a list of words that Lily knows, I'll start with the obvious:

wuh = 1 (this is the hardest number for her to recognize, probably because it's just a line)
teoo = 2
fwee = 3
foh = 4 (another one she has some trouble with, I think because there are two commonly-used ways of being written)
FI! = 5 (I capitalize this because always says it loudly... it might be her favorite next to "NY!")
see-see = 6/7 (I think she's a little fuzzy on the difference between the two, or maybe the second "see" is her trying to make the "x" sound of "six" and forgetting about 7 altogether)
ayt = 8
NI! = 9 (like I said... I'm impressed that she can tell the difference between 2,6, and 9 so easily, because when you think about it, written out they're basically the same shape with different orientations
Zeeo = 0 (clearly, she still confuses O's and 0's, but give her time!)
Teh = 10

And she sometimes can get 11 (evah) and even 12 (twe), but sometimes she just singles out one of the numbers or says them individually.

So that's the beginning of the Lily lexicon. Some highlights of other things she knows how to say:

Hi (probably the most commonly used word in all of kid-dom)
Wa = water
Cheeo = Cheerios (her favorite between-meal snack)
Na = banana
Bwee-bwee = blueberry
Gee-bee = green bean (she *loves* these, eats them like candy, can't figure that out)
Chee = cheese
Beh-bee dah = Babydoll (both the kind she carries around with her and the kind in the display cabinet upstairs)
Co = Ice cream cone
Dahg = Dog
Ma = Grandma (either one of my or Amy's mothers)
Pa = Grandpa (my father)
Geh-dee-dee = Granddaddy (Amy's father)
Ovo = oval, the shape she most consistently recognizes

She's just starting to put together phrases and little sentences too.

I go = I want to go (usually repeated a lot when we're getting on our shoes and jackets and packing her bag), which goes hand in hand with...
Ray! = Ready! (as in, I'm ready to go!)
I dow = I want down
I da = I want to dance (when musical numbers come on TV, she likes to be picked up and swung around -- sometimes she'll sing loudly and randomly enough to obliterate the music entirely, other times she just likes watching her shadow move around on the wall)
Wa in eer = Put water in here (she surprised us both by saying this on several occasions while holding up a cup)

And, of course, there are some things she's picked up entirely on her own:

Tee = TV
Dee-uh (or) Dee-wee = Deal (as in "On No Deal", did I mention it's one of her favorite shows?)
Fah = Fox (twice she's gone up to the set during American Idol and pointed to the logo in the corner, completely unprompted)
Voh = Vogue (which she said after hearing the end of Madonna's song of the same name)
Geeo = Geo, one of the characters on Team Umizoomi
Bah = Bot, one of the characters on Team Umizoomi
Mee-ee = Milli, you guessed it, one of the characters on Team Umizoomi

And a few things from Amy's latest copy of Food Network Magazine:
Buh-guh = burger (the latest issue features an awesome-looking hamburger on the front)
Guy-Guy = Guy Fieri, the only person she doesn't see in real life who she consistently recognizes -- what's that about?
Wuhk = Network (she actually recognizes the logo!)

But I can't stress enough how much of her progress in numbers and letters is thanks to Amy, who keeps quizzing her on them. But seeing how naturally Lily has taken to them, I wonder if she'll be an engineer or a mathermatician... whatever it is, even if it's some inclination I don't even recognize yet, I'll look back on this time and say that it's no surprise. None at all.